Higher

Well I've just taken my second dose; overall the first was alright but, perversely, I feel that my extensive youthful experiences with amphetamines and LSD gave me the intellectual tools to handle to psychological side effects. Wibbly-wobbly reality doesn't scare me after seeing the walls *breathe*. Man.

But overall, nowehere near as bad as I feared. Yeah, I'm uncomfortably high, yeah I'm scattier than usual but its only for three days and it does remind me why I stopped doing speed et al. Plus, its working. i do think/percieve that the hole in my vision is closing up, or at least its fluctuating within a smaller area of effect, if that makes sense. Damnit, I don't really have the vocabulary to explain what I mean.

Anyway, I'm off now to stomp about and annoy the dog!

High

Took the first gram of steroids tonight. Mixing it with orange juice, it tasted like the amphetamies I played with extensively in my early twenties. It reminded me why I quit.

I then got quite high, like with amphetamines, but am now a bit weepy (side effect: mood swings) which I sort of find funny (side effect: mood swings). Oh and a racing heart. Great.

Attack!

I've had a 'visual disturbance' (in this case characterised by a loss of some field of vision in the visual area associated with my right eye's upper right quadrant - I can't say my right eye as even if the issue is to do with my somewhat damaged right optical nerve, it could instead be in the image rendering area at the back of the brain where I've see huge lesions previously on an MRI) for now three days straight. Yes there've been fluctuations within that disturbance - sometimes it is larger, sometimes it is smaller - but there has been something there for 3 days. And that means it isn't a fluctuation but is instead an 'attack'.

I've hit the steroid button with my GP (well a locum as mine is away for a month. Grrr) so should be getting a prescription for ass kickingly high dose steroids this evening. If the chemist has them I shall be taking them tonight too. I'm not usually aprehensive about taking drugs. I took enough recreationally to lose the right to that. But I'm aware that i seem to have a shorter temper these days and am generally quicker to become emotional and am a bit worried about how that will interact with a drug known to induce insane rages in the sort of doses I'm going to be looking at.

Ah well, the wife is warned and I'm in the shed!

Work has me by the short hairs

Well work has been completely crazy lately and will continue to be mental for the foreseeable future. I'm doing 6 or 7 day weeks but the money's great and while I'm well, I've got to get it where I can. Being an openly crippled freelancer is getting me 2.5x what I earned at my old firm for pretty much the same work. Sure, my skills have improved but not by that much!

Anyway, that explains the absence of posts lately.

I got ill a few weeks ago and am having severe fluctuations now while I still cough off the last of it. I have to wait until the fag end of June to see if I have an attack or not which is a tense wait but at least this time, if I have an attack, I can get steroids from my GP to knock it on the head. Sure, I'll still take whatever damage I was going to but it will all be over quickly, allowing me to continue accruing disturbingly large sums of money for bog standard PHP work.